Living

Lately I've been living too much inside my head. What do you mean "inside your head", you ask? Well, exactly that. I just think too much. Now, normally, thinking isn't a bad thing. Here are a number of "good" things I think about-- just too much:

• religion
• my beliefs
• beliefs of others
  
• reconciling the two
• arguments in my favor
• how to resolve good opposing arguments
• issues that come up in my facebook groups
  
• philosophy
• much the same as above
• Objectivism
• how it can tie into Christianity
• that Galt could ironically be construed as a Christ figure
• how to reconcile the Law of Consecration
  
• how much I want to get a master in theology and philosophy
• less heavy things like
• what I have to do today/tomorrow
• what I have to do this week/month
• what I have to mail/resolve/cancel/transfer/pay
• my budget in general
• SAA
• my kickboxing and yoga classes
• how to raise my kids
• potty-training problems (night-time...)
• feeding/sleeping schedules
• naps
• teaching/training
• what I need to get next time I go shopping
  
• what to do with my new puppies
• new supplies, food, toys, etc
• registration (?)
• vet visits
• housebreaking
  
• what in the world do I do with puppies?!
• how behind I am in my blogging
• everything else I'm doing wrong or just not doing...
  

And that's just to name a few. I daresay nearly all of these are going on in my head every day all day long. The trouble with this is not necessarily that I'm thinking about all this. I'm sure any other woman you talk to could throw out a list a mile long as well. I'm sure I'm not unique in this. The trouble begins when I stop doing things because all I'm doing is thinking about what I have to do. It begins when I stop being a mother to my girls because I'm busy trying to figure out how to. It begins when I stop cooking my family meals because I'm trying to remember what's on my grocery list.

So today was a milestone. I hope I have a repeat soon, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. What happened today? I lived! I did things! Not just because they were on some list and I checked off everything I did, heaving a sigh of relief. Sure, I had a few things on my list, but I was done with those by 10am. And after that, I didn't stop and fret and worry about what to do next and the time I was wasting. I just lived. I did the things that are on my mental list without concentrating on what they are. I've thought so much about them lately that I have them all memorized anyway.

And honestly, I had a really enjoyable day. I spent time being with my girls, in the moment, thinking about them and giving them my full attention. I did the same with the puppies. In my yoga class, I was able to achieve an unprecedented focus, a sort of meditative state that I've fought for many times. I learned to let it come. Today, instead of my enemy, Father Time and I were friends.