Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;... a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;.... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;... a time to keep silence, and a time to speak...
Lately this scripture keeps running through my mind (although admittedly with a little more of The Byrds flair to it... turn! turn! turn!). I think it's my subconscious reminding me to chill out. There are so many things I want to do, to learn, to try-- and for many (ok, most) there is just not enough time.
My day starts feeding Max, getting the kids up and ready for school, cleaning the house, feeding Max, doing the dishes, maybe getting a project OR a workout OR an extra chore done before feeding Max and doing lunch, cleaning up after, spending time with Roman, picking the girls up from school, feeding Max, helping with homework, tidying the house before Derek gets home, feeding Max, making dinner, doing bathtime OR working out, bedtime routine, cleaning up after dinner, feeding Max, relaxing with Derek, going to bed and starting it all again the next day. In between that, it's kissing booboos, cleaning up spilt milkcerealapplesauceketchupjuice, changing diapers, refereeing, etc.
As a mom with four young kids, everything just takes longer. There was a point that that chafed a bit. It seemed like I had multiple friends (who also have kids) who were doing cool craftfoodbookphotography blogs or starting etsy shops or businesses or whatever. It felt like everyone else was somehow able to do it all but me. Over time I've realized how silly it is to compare myself and the way I spend my time with others. Sometimes I didn't take into account that some had fewer kids- or older kids- or a husband with more time available to be picking up slack- or local family that could watch the kids. Furthermore, I think there's a lot you don't see in other peoples' lives. Stuff that you wouldn't know about unless you were a fly on the wall. How messy their house is- daily, when no guests are expected. How often dinner is take-out.
The fact is, just like money, we all have a finite amount of time. And we all have different priorities and different ways to manage it. We usually choose what we want most to afford and let go of those things that we care less about. So for those of you who really are in my situation with your kids and still manage to do it all... please let me go on in blissful ignorance and enjoy the rationalizations I've come up with for why I'm not doing everything you are. Because I've come to the conclusion that this season of my life is for raising my kids. Not learning three languages, starting a business, training to be an instructor, or any of the million other things that I get excited about. Everything else will just have to wait for a while... or at least progress at a much slower pace. It's only a few short years before they're all in school and my day opens up... and a few short years after that that they are moving out and on with their lives. The front of ten, twenty years looks a lot longer, a lot bigger, than the back.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;... a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;.... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;... a time to keep silence, and a time to speak...
Lately this scripture keeps running through my mind (although admittedly with a little more of The Byrds flair to it... turn! turn! turn!). I think it's my subconscious reminding me to chill out. There are so many things I want to do, to learn, to try-- and for many (ok, most) there is just not enough time.
My day starts feeding Max, getting the kids up and ready for school, cleaning the house, feeding Max, doing the dishes, maybe getting a project OR a workout OR an extra chore done before feeding Max and doing lunch, cleaning up after, spending time with Roman, picking the girls up from school, feeding Max, helping with homework, tidying the house before Derek gets home, feeding Max, making dinner, doing bathtime OR working out, bedtime routine, cleaning up after dinner, feeding Max, relaxing with Derek, going to bed and starting it all again the next day. In between that, it's kissing booboos, cleaning up spilt milkcerealapplesauceketchupjuice, changing diapers, refereeing, etc.
As a mom with four young kids, everything just takes longer. There was a point that that chafed a bit. It seemed like I had multiple friends (who also have kids) who were doing cool craftfoodbookphotography blogs or starting etsy shops or businesses or whatever. It felt like everyone else was somehow able to do it all but me. Over time I've realized how silly it is to compare myself and the way I spend my time with others. Sometimes I didn't take into account that some had fewer kids- or older kids- or a husband with more time available to be picking up slack- or local family that could watch the kids. Furthermore, I think there's a lot you don't see in other peoples' lives. Stuff that you wouldn't know about unless you were a fly on the wall. How messy their house is- daily, when no guests are expected. How often dinner is take-out.
The fact is, just like money, we all have a finite amount of time. And we all have different priorities and different ways to manage it. We usually choose what we want most to afford and let go of those things that we care less about. So for those of you who really are in my situation with your kids and still manage to do it all... please let me go on in blissful ignorance and enjoy the rationalizations I've come up with for why I'm not doing everything you are. Because I've come to the conclusion that this season of my life is for raising my kids. Not learning three languages, starting a business, training to be an instructor, or any of the million other things that I get excited about. Everything else will just have to wait for a while... or at least progress at a much slower pace. It's only a few short years before they're all in school and my day opens up... and a few short years after that that they are moving out and on with their lives. The front of ten, twenty years looks a lot longer, a lot bigger, than the back.
6 comments:
Don't worry Tasheena. You are NOT alone. I only have 3 kids and I feel the same way. I think there is something about the newborn stage with all the feedings and diapers that makes time seem like a more rare and precious commodity than normal. I can't seem to get anything done and it seems as though everyone else can.
woot. I heard a James E. Faust talk recently where he said that you shouldn't feel as though you have to sing all the verses of your life's song at the same time. That has stuck with me in a big way. Actually implementing the point is another thing, though. You are so spot on with that last sentence. I think about how much I have done and how much I have changed in just the past 5 years or 10 years, and it's a lot. And then I think that - hey - I have a lot more "5-years" stacked up + waiting for me on down the line. I don't have to do everything right. now. So thank you for this - I needed it tonight.
I'm glad you posted that. I feel the same way and am coming to the same realization...this is the season for raising kids. I am finally through the season of having kids, now on to raise the one's I have. It's hard though when you feel like everyone else has it 'figured out' and leaving you in their dust. (which by the way, I always thought you had it all--you are one of those mom's I envy). Enjoy the season!! For, they say, it doesn't last long.
I may have to print this out and post it where I'll see it a lot. Thanks for sharing!
'Tis the season! And you always knew I never had it all figured out, so I don't have to break any news to you that my life isn't perfect:)Plus the kids still think I am kinda cool, so I am totally going to use that to my advantage for a while. The day in and day out is the hardest part. Getting up and doing it all over again, same thing...that's why sometimes you gotta put some music on and DANCE!!
Hurray for the lack of so-called accomplishments! Hurray for Family, Motherhood, Marriage! Hurray for Happiness!
I "accomplish" less than I ever have in my life. I'm also WAY happier than I have ever been.
There's really something to be said for old-fashioned family life. There is nothing more meaningful than caring for others. I happen to think that part of Satan's plan to undermine the family is making us feel/believe that spending our days wiping little bums, cooking and cleaning are depressing and below our potential. That teaching our children truth and supporting our husbands can be done by others or is unnecessary. The truth is, we help to create and sustain life - both physical and spiritual life. We love, and there is nothing greater than Love.
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